Meet Nia, the African tank engine (and gratuitous stereotype)

Name: Nia.

Age: Expected shortly.

Appearance: Boxy, with a big round face and steam coming out of the top of her head.

OK. I’m sure she has a lovely personality, but I’m going to swipe left on this occasion. Nia is a train.

A trainee? No, a train. More specifically, a locomotive, one of a new crop of characters in the latest incarnation of Thomas the Tank Engine.

A girl train? Yup, one of three, with newcomer Rebecca and the previously installed Emily. But as well as being female, Nia is also African.

From whereabouts in Africa? A non-specific, safari- and giraffe-ridden part of Africa.

Oh, you mean Stereotypical Africa. Yes, although the change isn’t necessarily ill-thought through. It’s the result of a collaboration between Mattel, the American corporation that owns the rights to Thomas, and the UN.

Why is the UN getting involved in a children’s programme about trains? They are promoting some of their sustainable development goals, including quality education, gender equality, sustainable cities and communities, responsible consumption and production, and “life on land”.

How does an African loco end up on Thomas’s home island of Sodor? It’s Thomas who is leaving Sodor to travel around the world.

Why would he do that? The island is dramatically confining. “We couldn’t have him encountering a new animal in Sodor every week,” says series producer Ian McCue. “But now he can meet kangaroos in Australia, tigers in India, pandas in China.”

Exactly which line will Thomas be taking to get to Australia? I think you’re missing the point.

Seriously though, it’s not like you can just build a railway bridge to Australia. Does it not bother you that Thomas can talk?

What really bothers me is the idea of Thomas helping to foster sustainable communities and responsible consumption. The whole point of Thomas is that he’s sort of a git. Everything has to evolve.

I suppose this means some old rolling stock will have to be scrapped. Yes, Henry and Edward are out.

What next? Is the Fat Controller going to lose weight? I’ll pass on your suggestion.

Do say: “It’s political correctness contained safely within the bounds of sanity.”

Don’t say: “Hello Nia – oh my God, are you diesel? Get away from here!”